


Ghosts Among Us

by TWDObsessive



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Depression, Destiny, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fate, Feelings Realization, Friendship/Love, Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Discovery, Self-Harm, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Understanding, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 02:37:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9858254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/pseuds/TWDObsessive
Summary: Daryl sees the dead.  Not the walkers, the twice-dead once they become ghosts.  It started since the turn and he assumes it’s his body’s reaction to the walker infection they all carry.  One by one he experiences losses of loved ones and each of them come to visit him.  And they all seem to be guiding him to Rick.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MaroonCamaro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaroonCamaro/gifts), [1lostone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1lostone/gifts).



> Plot Bunny alert! This popped into my head out of nowhere and I wrote it straight through without stopping. Not Beta’d because Stylepoints is already hard at work on my next long fic.
> 
> This fic is dedicated to Marooncamaro and 1LostOne for being such a good friends. (and for assuring me that this idea would work!)

Ain’t told no one, not even Rick. ‘Fraid he might not believe me, ‘fraid none of them will. They’ll think I’m just losing it like we all worried Rick was back at the prison. No one believed he was seeing Lori... except for me. Because I saw her, too. Rick tried to reach her, to talk to her. But he didn’t have what I have. I ain’t really sure what it is, maybe from getting scratched once, some kind of contaminant since the turn? Maybe just my own body's reaction to the infection we all carry now. But I see those who’ve gone before us. I can even talk with them. They have to be twice dead though, can’t still be walking. But once they are gone and still, they come to me. They know I can see them and hear them.

The first one was Sophia. It was the night after we killed all the walkers in the barn, which included the little twig of a girl with the skinny legs and hurt filled eyes. I was heartbroken at the loss. Maybe because at the time, of all those people, I identified most with her. I’d _been_ her. Her daddy was a right old asshole just like mine was. She had a better momma, though. I was happy for her about that. I was on watch alone sitting on the front porch of the Greene farm when she appeared through the light fog that hung over Hershel’s land and she weren’t no walker no more. She looked like the first days I’d seen her, clean clothes and clear eyes and holding her dolly. 

“Thanks for finding her for me,” she said as she sat next to me on the steps and motioned to the doll.

I wasn’t afraid or confused. I knew she was both there and not there. I don’t know how I knew but I did, like it was something innate that came with the ability to see her in the first place.

“Didn’t do yah much good, kiddo. I’m sorry I couldn’t find yah soon enough. Sorry I couldn’t get you back to your momma.”

“It’s okay, Daryl,” she said to me. “You tried.”

We sat for a while in silence. Again, like me, she’d always been a quiet kid in the short time I’d known her. More pensive than someone her age should be… just like I was.

“Ain’t you got somewhere else to be, girly?” I asked her.

“Oh I’ve been! I’m allowed to come down here whenever I want. But I can only _see_ the others. You are the only one who sees and hears _me_.”

“Not much good to see down here anymore, sweetheart. Sure you really wanna keep visiting? Ain’t they got like ponies and flowers and all-you-can-eat cotton candy up there for little girls like you?”

She laughed and it echoed through the woods. “It’s got everything and nothing and it’s perfect. It’s peace.”

“Sounds better than walkers and guts and stench. Wanna trade places,” I teased.

“No,” she giggled. “You’ve got so much more to do. I’m gonna go back now. Maybe I’ll come see you again, Daryl Dixon.” she said, placing a hand on my shoulder as she stood. It felt like a wisp of a strong breeze against me. And she was gone. 

I seen Shane then shortly after. We was on the road lookin’ for new shelter after the farm was overrun and the barn burned to the ground. I was hunting in the early morning while the rest of the group was packing up to keep looking for new shelter. We’d spent the night sleeping in a few different cars along the highway, not a practical final place to call home. He appeared next to me mimicking my footsteps as I walked along a dry creekbed. 

“You know that baby’s mine,” he said, the same cocky attitude he had in life. 

“So what of it? Ain’t none of my business,” I snarled. 

He was quiet a while and I smiled at the thought of how good of a hunting partner Shane would have made now that the rest of the world couldn’t hear his loud mouth and his heavy footsteps. 

“Rick’s gotta take care of them. Gotta take care of that baby like it’s his own.,” he said much more serious.

I spun around, filled with fire and venom. “You know him better than me, asshole! Don’t you think he’s a good enough man to already do that? He’s a better man than you could ever be. He ain’t gonna turn his head on no baby just because you stuck your pathetic prick in his wife.”

Shane looked impressed with my response. “You know him well, Daryl. But he’s going to have a few bumps in the road when she first comes. Help him. Help my daughter, Rick’s daughter now.”

I just glared at him with an “of course I will” expression. “So it’s a girl?” I asked thinkin’ of Sophia.

He nodded.

“What’s her name?” I asked, my attitude dialed down.

“That’s not for me to say. I’m not here,” he answered and then I felt the chill that always ran down my spine when one of my ghosts moved on.

When Rick was restin’ after one of those times he seen Lori, I went back outside the prison gates to see her. She wouldn’t look at me as I walked up next to her, kept her gaze out on the horizon.

“Why you doin’ this to him?” I asked her point blank.

“Unfinished business,” she said in a much calmer voice than I remembered her having. 

“He’s messed up enough about this whole thing, Lori. Thought I was the only one y’all can talk to, the only one that can see yah.”

“You are. He can’t hear me. He only sees me because he’s looking so hard. It’s nothing I can stop from my end, Daryl. He has to stop. It’s not my unfinished business. It’s his. You have to stop him from thinking like he is. No good can come from it,” she said finally turning to look at me. 

“You done him wrong, Lori,” I told her. I ain’t never shied from telling the brutal truth, don’t matter if you’re alive or not.

“I did. I hurt him and I’m still hurting him. And I’m sorry for that. But like I said, he needs you to get him back on track. To make him forget about me. Otherwise he’ll never stop, whether I’m really here or not.”

“Why _are_ you here, Lori? Why ain’t you up in the peace with Sophia?”

“I want to see him move on,” she said quietly. “Want to make sure he’s okay.”

“How about I promise you that I’ll take care of him? You just go do your thing. You can trust me, Lori. I know you never did like me all that much. But you got to know me. You know my word is good.”

“I do,” she smiled. “And I know that you are the one he needs.”

She walked off into the field and disappeared.

I did what I promised. I took care of Rick’s baby, helped with Carl. Helped to center Rick the best I could. I took on the responsibility of the council that he didn’t want no more. And eventually... eventually he stopped seeing her. 

She came back to me again that night we were on the road with Michonne and Carl. The night Rick chewed out a man’s jugular and left him for dead. I was on watch, Michonne and Carl asleep in the car and Rick sleeping beside the car on some blankets. As I leaned against the hood of the station wagon, I saw Lori appear through the woods and walk towards me. 

She peaked in the car window at Carl, then stood over Rick for a few moments. Then she looked up at me. “Thank you for saving them.” 

I shrugged. “Told yah I’s gonna take care of ‘em.”

She smiled and it reminded me of how much she didn’t smile in those last months. “He’s in love with you, Daryl.”

“Fuck off, Lori,” I answered, turning away to hide my blush.

She laughed softly. “You’re in love with him, too. And I’m glad.”

“You don’t know shit,” I spat at her. 

“I do actually. In the peace, we know everything.” And she shimmered away like a mirage. Last thing I needed was her puttin’ thoughts like that in my head. They’s already there. I didn’t hesitate for a second to offer my life for Rick’s. And I knew why. I knew how I felt, but hearing it in words just made me uncomfortable about it. This world ain’t about unexpectedly findin’ out you’re gay for your best friend. It’s about survival. Ain’t about quiet moments and gentle words, it’s about biting assholes in the throat and watching them bleed to death in order to save your family. It’s about offering your own life for others. 

Besides even if I’d could admit fully that I did have feelin’s for Rick, apocalypse or not, I doubt I’d do anything about it. Dixon’s don’t get no happily ever after. And Dixon’s ain’t queer. I didn’t know what it was about Rick that made me get them flutters in my belly, made me so loyal to him I’d follow him right off a cliff, but it was my business, my butterflies and there ain’t no reason to confuse Rick with it. Fuck Lori. She didn’t do nothin’ but cause problems for us in life so I shouldn’t be surprised that’s what she’s up to in death.

Merle showed up the quickest of any of them, kneelin’ beside me as I was still looking at his slain body, tears streaming down my face and my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. I knew he was there but I couldn’t take my eyes off his lifeless body, off the dead eyes and the stab wounds I inflicted to make him twice dead.

“Don't look at that, Daryl. I'm much hansomer if you look this way,” he said, a hand on my shoulder that felt like a warm breeze against my skin. I finally turned to him, sobbing like a child, practically hyperventilating over my all-encompassing sadness. “Come on now, baby brother, pull yourself together. You got snot coming out of every hole in your head. Get your hanky.”

I reached into my back pocket as he instructed, wiped off my tear-stained cheeks and blew my nose. I felt empty like my heart had been ripped completely out of my chest. Merle may have been a more-than-occasional asshole. But he was _my_ asshole. I’d never known life on this earth without him. He’d been part of me since the day I was born and even the times we were apart, I knew he was out there. I never lost hope that he wasn’t still on this earth after that rooftop in Atlanta. But now he was dead, twice dead. For real.

“Jesus, Darlina. Did you have to stab me that many times? Christ, only takes one to the brain.”

“Didn’t like you leaving me again. And this time forever,” I sniffled.

“Didn’t want to live in this shithole anymore, anyway. Nothing for me here but you and you don’t need me no more,” he said in as gentle a voice as Merle could muster.

“I still need you,” I whimpered, eyes hot with the tears I was trying to hold back.

“Nah. You got Sheriff Rick now,” he said. He wasn’t picking on me. He said it like he was just stating a fact and I stared at him blankly as one of my tears escaped and trailed down a still-damp cheek.

“You know I wasn't mad in them woods that day you wanted to go back to Rick. He treats yah better than anyone ever has, Daryl, and that includes me.”

“He treats everybody good,” I said, trying to steer the conversation away from Rick, afraid he’ll tell me the same things Lori did.

“He treats you special, Daryl. And maybe you can’t see it cause ain’t no one ever treated you like an equal, ain’t no one ever looked up to you like he does. You know I ain’t never been one for approvin’ of the queers. But in the peace, things like that don’t matter. It’s just about hearts. And he has yours and you have his.” 

It was the most poetic I ever heard my big brother talk and for a moment I wondered if maybe it wasn’t a ghost but just my imagination, hearing things the way I wanted to hear them. But I knew it wasn’t. 

“You ain’t in hell or nothin’ are yah?” I asked.

“Ain’t no heaven, ain’t no hell. Just peace.”

“Is everyone there?” I asked. “Is Pa?”

Merle shook his head. “He’s not my peace. So he’s not with me. Won’t be with you either when your day comes but that ain’t for a long time, kiddo. You still got a lot of livin’ to do. And despite how much time you may or may not have, I know you, Darlina. Don't you go waiting forever to get your man. He's waiting for you.”

Merle stood and walked over to his own body and looked down at it. “I’m going to pretend all that fucking stabbing was because you was so sad, not because you was angry at me.”

“It was a little of both,” I confessed.

His lips curled into that giant smile of his. “I understand, Daryl. I love you.” And he walked off down the dirt road until he shimmered in the sunlight and disappeared. 

I still didn’t say nothin’ to Rick. I don’t care how many damn ghosts push me to it. I don’t know what to say or how to say it and I still don’t know that I believe he feels the same way back. And why was it all on me? Why wasn’t _he_ supposed to be the one to tell me first ‘bout his feelin’s? We was too busy anyway to worry with things like that. The sickness started taking over the prison and if things weren’t bad enough, it was right about then that the fucking Governor showed back up with a tank and a small army. And Michonne and Hershel on their knees beside him.

Rick tried to talk peace as the rest of us stood back, fully armed and prepared for war. Merle showed up for a few moments while Rick and the governor spoke. “This ain’t gonna end well, baby brother. But you stay strong. Dixon’s don’t give up. They don’t lay down.”

“You did,” I said quietly, Carl looking my way briefly as he stood armed beside me at the fence.

“It’s not your time yet, Daryl. I told you. You got a family to take care of.” And when I looked back to him he was gone and Rick was screaming “Noooo!” I looked back to the governor as Hershel’s head was tilted off his body, severed, the Governor standing above him. I heard Maggie and Beth’s screams and a barrage of gunfire, some of which was mine. It was a blur, really, the whole thing. And it all went to shit. Some of the sick couldn’t make it to the bus. The bus was fired on and had to roll out with too many of us still left behind. We all fought one-on-one battles as the prison yard was infiltrated and before I knew it everyone was scattered, Beth the only one that made it with me off to the North once we realized we had to run.

The next day as we walked in silence through the woods, Hershel appeared by my side, both legs and all. Beth was far enough ahead of me that I could afford the whisper. “You look good, old man,” I said shooting my eyes to his legs.”

“Just like riding a bike,” he laughed as he looked ahead at his youngest daughter, tattered and dirty, hungry and tired.

“I’m glad you’re with her. She looks up to you. Feels safe with you.”

“I can’t change nothin’ that happened,” I countered. 

“No. But you can listen to her when she needs to talk. You can help teach her to be stronger, to fight. You can let her know she’s not alone.”

“Was already gonna do all those things,” I whispered a little too loud. Beth looked back at me. 

“Mind your own!” I shouted. “You make fun of me for talking to myself and I’ll leave yah here alone in the woods,” I growled. She smiled at me and turned back around and kept walking. She knew I was nothin’ but bluster. 

“Why you think I can do this? See ghosts? Talk to ‘em? Am I infected with somethin’ more than the virus? Been seeing you all since Sophia.”

“Surprised you never came to ask me about it,” Hershel said.

“You’d have thought I was nuts.”

“The dead are walking, Daryl. The parameters for nuts have changed,” he laughed. After a long sigh he continued. “My guess? You’re AB-, right? Really rare blood type. Totally possible that you are the only one we know of with that blood type. You also told me once that you donated blood and the blood bank told you that you were a baby donor. That means you are CMV negative, another rarity. Those combinations with the walker virus may have given you this gift. Just an old vet’s guess though.”

I didn’t respond ‘cause there wasn’t anything I could say to that. Didn’t matter the reason really. It just was what it was.

“I owe you a lot for always protecting my girls. For taking care of Bethy here,” he said in that sage old man way of his.

“Ain’t you pissed I’m trying to help her get drunk?”

He laughed. I would miss that laugh. “No. Let her do what she wants, Daryl. Let her be happy and you enjoy the happiness that falls off her like autumn leaves. That girl of mine could bring a smile to most hopeless frown. And Daryl- so you know- things will happen, because they are supposed to. I don't want you blaming yourself for things already written to be.”

“The hells that mean?!” I snapped, Bethy turning around again. “You look ahead and let me have my minor mental breakdown in peace please, or no drinks for you!” I yelled. She smiled and turned back to face front. 

I looked back to Hershel, my face tight and frowning, waiting for an answer. “You can’t save everyone, Daryl. You got some powers with seeing the dead but you aren’t a super hero and I do NOT want you blaming yourself for things that are out of your control.”

“She ain’t out of my control! She’s right there and I ain’t gonna let nothin’ happen to your little girl. You can go tell this _peace_ of yours to fuck off.”

“I know you don’t like feeling like you have no control. You do have control. You could walk right or left right now. But some things are meant to be, Daryl. When you feel the pain from things you can’t control, you make sure you find Rick. He’s your anchor, your north star.”

“You gonna tell me too that I’m in love with him?” I asked. 

“No. You already know it.” he said with a smile. “Daryl, you were like a son to me and I love you. Be happy sometime, okay?” he petted at the top of my head like a real dad would do on TV shows and my too-long hair tickled my face from the breeze of his touch. And he disappeared.

He was right. There are things that happen in life that just aren’t right and as much attention as I tried to keep on Beth’s safety, she was taken from me. But I didn’t see a body and I didn’t get a visit so I _knew_ she wasn’t dead. And I knew I’d find her. 

When Rick and I was in the hospital bartering for her life I felt like I’d won. I’d beaten fate. Hershel was wrong. I found her. And then it all fell apart before my eyes. I carried her lifeless body outside to the others that were waiting. To Maggie. I’d failed. She was my responsibility. She was just a damn kid and she didn’t deserve to be ripped from this earth when we was so damn close to getting her back alive. 

I’d cried a lot of tears as my family grew smaller and more and more of them moved on to the peace, but Beth was unusually hard. I’d told Hershel I’d protect her. I almost had her and she slipped through my fingers. When Beth was gone, I was in such a state of utter depression that I wondered if I’d even get to see her ghost. Maybe I was so despondent that I would lose that ability. I walked aimlessly with the rest of the family for days, no food, hardly any water. Everyone was just as broken as I was. I slipped away from the group under the guise of searching for water and I sat under a large oak tree and let myself cry. I lit a cigarette and pressed it against my hand to try to replace the anguishing feeling of sadness with bearable physical pain. And it was then that Beth appeared sitting beside me.

“Daryl, don’t. That could get infected and Daddy isn’t with you anymore to help.”

“Beth,” I sobbed, my head dropping to my chest as I curled into myself in shame. “I’m so sorry, Beth. I’m so sorry.”

“Daryl you didn’t do nothin’ wrong. You found me. It was me that that wanted Dawn dead. I made that last move. This isn’t on you,” she said in that sweet bird-like voice of hers. She put her hand over my burn and the cool breeze of her touch made the pain lessen.

“You were the only one gave us light, Beth. You got no idea how much you gave us,” I said.

She smiled at me. “I didn’t think you noticed my value, Daryl Dixon,” she joked. 

“You were one of the best people I ever known, Beth. Ain’t gonna be able to just let you go. Gonna feel this hurt in my heart forever.”

“You might feel it. For a long time. But there’s other things in this life that will make you happy.”

“Like what, shooting walkers, tryin’ not to starve, lookin’ for water that ain’t here for a dozen thirsty people?”

“Water’s coming,” she said. “And stop being such a pessimist.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re in the peace. I’m still in hell on earth.” I paused and looked back to her. “You see your Daddy there?”

“Of course, he’s my peace.”

“You think I’ll see Merle when the time comes?” I asked. 

“You’ll see Merle. And me and Daddy. And anyone you love, anyone you want. But you have a long way to go Daryl. And I don’t want to see you going it alone.”

“Ain’t going it alone- got a dozen people out on the road counting on me to find water out here.”

“That’s not what I mean. You only have half a heart, Daryl. The world has blanched the other half of it white with sadness. Rick is the other half. He’s where you can find the most peace here on earth.”

I took a deep breath. “What if he don’t love me back?”

“He does,” she said. “In the peace we know everything.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’ve heard that half a dozen times already.”

“Be happy, Daryl. I want to look down here and see you with some happiness.”

“No one’s happy down here, Pollyanna.” I grumbled.

“Want me to sing you a song?” she asked.

I frowned at her. “Fine. If you have to.” 

“You like my singing, remember?”

I did. But I was too emotional for it, didn’t want to cry. But she started to sing next to me anyway.

“Of all the comrades that e'er I had  
They are sorry for my going away  
And all the sweethearts that e'er I had  
They would wish me one more day to stay  
But since it falls unto my lot  
That I should rise and you should not  
I'll gently rise and I'll softly call  
Good night and joy be with you all  
Good night and joy be with you all”

I didn’t respond for fear that I’d choke on tears if I tried to talk.

“It takes a lot of work to find peace on earth. But it’s there for you, Daryl. I’ll be watching. Don’t let me down,” she whispered with a grin and I felt the breeze as she faded away from me. 

I thought about talking to Rick after that visit. We were all so diminished and I could see that Rick was very concerned about me. And I no longer needed ghosts to tell me what was in his heart. I could see the love he had for me in his eyes. One of us just needed to give it words. The day of the storm we were all taking shelter in a barn and I was the first one to see the onslaught of walkers pressing against the door as the sounds of a violent storm surrounded us. I pushed against the door to keep them out and one by one my family noticed and came to work as one to hold them off. Thunder cracked above us and dead snarled on the other side of the door and all of us used everything our exhausted, starving bodies had to hold them back. The long walk on the road after Beth left us all near-suicidal, but suddenly it was like we remembered we wanted to live. Rick slipped in beside me to press his strong hands against the door and we looked at each other and wordlessly expressed feelings. After so recently wanting to die, I suddenly wanted more time, needed more time on this earth. I looked around at all my family fighting for life and within our bodies all pressed up against the barn door I saw our angels. Shane, Lori, Merle, Hershel, Beth and even little Sophia helping us push with the strong breeze of their ethereal bodies.

The next morning, we found ourselves alive and the once dead were all outside our doors now twice dead thanks to a tornado that was strong enough and clever enough to get them all head shots while leaving our barn still standing strong. No one questioned the unbelievable coincidence. I did wonder though, if it was the winds from the storm or the winds from our dead that took out the walkers. 

It was a while before I took another loss so hard. Denise. And with my own fucking crossbow. She’d become like a kid sister to me during our time in Alexandria. She was sweet and pure and she reminded me of a combination of myself, Beth and Sophia all wrapped into one. There was more to her than most people could see. I felt the breeze of her as she arrived when I was alone digging her grave.

She didn’t speak for a while, just watched. “Rick was calling for you when Carl was shot. Wanted you there with him.”

“What are you telling me that for?” I asked, not accusatory or loaded with Dixon-anger. Just a polite question. Denise was too sweet to deserve any of my misplaced aggression.

“Because when he was sad and in need of comfort he looked for you. Instead of drinking your pain away from those baby bottles of gin, why don’t you go find comfort with him?”

“I don’t want comfort. I want to be sad. I got a right to grieve you, Denise,” I said a little harsher than I intended. 

She sat cross-legged at the base of her grave as I continued to dig. “It’s so nice of you to do this for me. To take the time and energy to bury me. I didn’t have much kindness growing up. You didn’t either, right?”

I stopped digging and met her eyes with a slight nod. 

“Know what made things better for me in this world?”

“I don’t know. Making people eat your horrible oat cakes,” I teased.

She laughed. “No. Tara. Love. Having someone. Made everything even more worth fighting for.”

I dug out a few more shovel’s full of earth before I responded. “What’s that got to do with me?”

“Love can be unexpected. But you know it when it’s facing you. Rick _wants_ you to let him comfort you.”

“Then why don’t he come here and do it?” 

“Same reason you don’t go to him. Doubt. Fear.”

I stuck my shovel in the dirt and pulled out another mini-bottle and guzzled it as she watched. “I’m sorry you died on my watch, Denise. You wanted me there to protect you and I didn’t.”

“Life isn’t always what you expect, Daryl. And you don’t have to apologize. You didn’t kill me. It was just my turn and I’m in peace now. You know that.”

“Tara’s gonna be devastated,” I muttered. 

“At least we got our time together, Daryl. Think about how devastated you would feel if Rick was taken away before you got a chance to have your time?”

I heard footsteps coming towards me and looked up to see Carol bringing a second shovel and by the time I looked back to Denise there was a rustle of leaves on the ground from her departure.

Things never get better in the apocalypse. They only get worse. Occasionally there’s a bearable moment. But more often than not it’s just absolute misery. After Negan brutally murdered Abraham and Glenn, and he loaded me into the van, I was a mess. Devastated from our losses, filled with guilt over my role in Glenn’s death and destroyed over being taken away from a broken Rick who needed me then more than ever before. As I moved in the back of the van like a caged tiger Abraham appeared with a swirl of air in the back of the vehicle as they shut the door.

“It’s a shit sandwich, isn’t it?” he said calmly.

“I have to get back to Rick,” I said. “How? How do I get back to Rick? He needs me,” I rambled, my shoulder still sore from the gunshot wound.

“If you’re already trying to devise an escape than you got balls bigger than a bull that ain’t shot a load in a week.”

“What else am I supposed to do, Abraham? Lay down and die?!”

“Bide your time. You’ve got a rough few weeks ahead and you gotta be strong. You eat what they tell you to eat. You shit when they tell you to shit. And you hang in there until you get the sign. You’ll know when to go.”

“But Rick… he’s… he’s a mess. He needs-”

“Yes. He does. He needs you like Brokeback Mountain needed them two queers. But the he’s gonna have to live without you for a few weeks and you’re gonna have to live without him. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Gives you a hell of a case of blueballs, though.”

I glared at him. “I want to be alone, Abraham. I don’t need none of your poetic pep talks.”

He nodded in understanding. “Rick will be waiting for you. Just hang in there.” And he disappeared as the truck rumbled towards my new prison.

I don’t know when it was that I saw Glenn. Maybe two days, maybe four days? Naked and in the dark cell alone with nothing but a once a day beam of light as I was handed dog food on sourdough bread made it hard to keep track of time.

I’d started to wonder if he wasn’t going to show, if he blamed me for his death as much as I blamed myself. But he did come, right at my worst, after they left me with his picture and I had fallen asleep in a pile of my own vomit. 

I didn’t even sense him come, the music torture had me completely unconscious for the intervals where it was turned off. I jolted awake when it played again and sat back against the wall away from my own splatter of sick on the floor. Glenn was sitting across from me, his baseball hat on just like I’d always remember him. Once the music stopped again and we knew we’d be able to talk, he spoke first.

“It’s not your fault, Daryl. It’s important to me that you know that.”

“Wouldn’t have gotten killed if I’d been able to control my anger.”

“You were protecting Rosita-”

“To what end? Your death?”

“Daryl, you didn’t cause this but if it’s forgiveness you need to get your strength back you have it. I forgive you but know I’m only saying it because you need to hear it. Because you didn’t cause this. Negan did. His bat, his hands, his insanity.”

“Thought you wasn’t gonna bother with a visit,” I said, choking back the sound of a pout in my voice.

“Had to watch over Maggie first. She’s okay, the baby’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“It ain’t! It ain’t anywhere near okay! You’re gone! Her husband, her baby’s father, my...my friend.” 

“Daryl, you’re carrying anger you don’t need to carry. I had my time, had my love. You are still here ‘cause you and Rick got your time coming.” 

“Have you checked on him? Is HE okay?”

“He will be when he sees you again.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” I asked, rolling my eyes cause I’ve heard similar shit from many others already. 

“Daryl, how do you feel when he’s around you? What do you think about when you’re apart? Why are you always the first one to know when he’s a five inches away from walker jaws? He’s lost without you right now and you’re weak because you don’t have him. You will be his guardian angel for as long as he lives. You will be his everything.”

“That mean I die first?”

“Not for a long, long time. But you were meant to be together, just like Maggie and I were.”

Then why was he with Lori? Jesse for a while? Michonne that one time? How does that happen if all this shit you’re telling me about soul mates and shit is real? It don’t make no sense.” Suddenly my prison shimmered like gasoline drips on pavement and we were sitting in a wide field with a bright blue sky overhead.

“You see that flower?” he asked pointing down at a malformed dandelion, it’s stem was more pale than the rest and the heavy yellow petals hung lopsided. “Not every flower can be perfect. He bent down to one that had blossomed into a cotton-white ball of seeds and blew, watching as they scattered on the wind. “Maybe on it’s next try the flower will be perfect.” The illusion around me and Glenn disappeared in a jolt as the music started playing again. 

It was weeks before I could escape. I still have no idea who got me the key and the note. Jesus said it wasn’t him. Could’ve been Sherry or Dwight, but I tended to think it was somehow Abraham. He was the one who told me to wait for the sign. I managed to get back to hilltop with Jesus and I was so happy to see Sasha and Maggie. I’d been so alone. But there was only one person I really needed. Because absence didn’t only make the heart grow fonder but it made it grow clearer. 

I’d showered and changed at Hilltop intending to move on to Alexandria to find Rick but as I walked back out to the gates, there was my family. There was Rick. When he saw me, he moved to me quickly like he was gliding on air. I gave him a Dixon nod in greeting because I wasn’t sure my voice would work. My heart was thudding heavy and hard in my chest and butterflies were staging a coup in my belly. I dipped my head in defeat and submission and Rick rushed to me and wrapped his arms around me comforting me in a way ain’t nobody ever comforted me before. And I wept into the crook of his neck as he stroked my hair and held me tight.

“Rick, I think I might be in love with you,” I whispered against his ear. It was time. It was time.

“You are?” he whispered and I nodded my head as he pulled back from me. Was it a mistake? Had all my ghosts been lying? Where they even really there or was I really just plain nuts?

Rick looked into my eyes for what felt like hours but could have only been seconds. And I read in the deep blue of them his returned affection, his love, his need for me. With his hands still on me, one on my arm and one in my hair, he leaned forward again, his lips just inches from mine.

“I think I’ve loved you forever,” he whispered, and I could feel the breath of his nervous words against me. He grazed his lips against mine, a test to see if I would back away or embrace him. I parted my lips to let him know that I was his and he stepped closer, his body pressed to mine, kissing me desperately in front of everyone. When we finally parted he looked around at the group. 

“We love each other. Get over it,” he announced. “Now let’s figure out how to take that asshole Negan down,” He turned to walk towards Barrington House and as the rest of the living fell in line behind him I saw our dead all smiling near the gates. Sophia. Shane. Lori. Merle. Beth. Denise. Abraham. Glenn.

“Stay with me tonight?” Rick asked as he grabbed my hand at the bottom of the Barrington House steps.

“I’ll stay with you forever,” I answered.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Would love to hear your thoughts!


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